It’s taken a very, very long time to get just these few seconds of footage – despite the Beech Marten (Stone Marten, Martes foina) having spent the last decade using my attic floor as a latrine. Until you’ve shared space with one of these creatures, you cannot begin to understand just how noisy or dirty they are. They won’t go near traps (I’ve tried various sizes and types of humane traps and numerous baits), and once they detect the infrared trailcam they vanish.

It still amazes me that I have a complete ecosystem living in my attic – shrews, mice, martens, edible dormice, bats, numerous bugs… Shame the buggers can’t move their little microcosm somewhere else and stop shitting everywhere and running about screaming all night.